That Day!

August 23 is not my favorite day of the year and I dread it with a passion every year! For weeks leading up to it, I am acutely aware of its approach. I just want to skip it…not think about what it represents … just get through it.

You see on August 23, 1987 the unthinkable happened in my life. My healthy, happy, six-month-old son, Jonathan, got sick with an illness and within 24 hours died. Skip forward fourteen years later. as I lay in the hospital recovering from a hysterectomy, my mom was admitted to the same hospital and died on, yes, August 23, 2001. THAT day holds so many memories and so much pain, I just do not want experience anymore.

I can hear you now … oh, that is so long ago. You must be healed. Move on. Let it go. Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t wallow. Believe me I have said all those things to myself. However, if I do those things, it tends to invalidate the memories of my son and my mom. They are still a very real and present part of my life. Their lives are so intertwined with who I am today. I would not be the woman I am today if I had not walked through the loss of both.

Before Jonathan’s death, I would have told you that there was no possible way that I could live through a pain so deep as losing a child of mine. And I would still say that today, except I would add I couldn’t do it on my own. The truth is, I did not make it on my own. Left on my own I was suicidal. Thankfully, I have (had) a Heavenly Father that was and is VERY present with me, often literally carrying me in HIS arms. He has not left me alone in all the years since, and I am confident that HE never will.

This past year and a half have really caused me to be fearful and be filled with a sense of being overwhelmed. In my wildest dreams I could never have imagined this pandemic and all the chaos that has surrounded us. As I have approached THAT Day this week, I have had to remind myself that I am not and will not ever be alone. I have a Heavenly Father that is STILL carrying me in HIS loving arms through the pain.

Tomorrow is August 23, 2021. THAT Day! Thank you, Father God, that I can go to bed tonight and wake up to face the day in your arms. Thank you for NEVER leaving me in the pain alone. Oh, and if you would, please tell Momma and Jonathan I still love them and miss them! (and Daddy too!)

#Grief

#Myheavenschild

Categories: Uncategorized

2 Comments

Don Kelly · August 23, 2021 at 12:47 am

I remember that dark day and your loss takes my breath everytime I think about it.
You and Tom have endured what no parent should ever have to.
I love you both like you are my siblings.
David and Gregg both married lovely ladies who are wonderful mommies in their own right.
And I know you and Tom love being Grandparents.
You have been blessed after having endured the greatest tragedy of your lives.
So, after all these years your most Faithful friend has been Jesus and then each other. Y’all have done well. Really, really well.

    admin · October 16, 2021 at 6:43 pm

    We love you friend! You have walked with us through a whole lot of years and we are grateful!

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